is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
