i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
