Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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