that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's blow job season.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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