yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
