dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
