When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Never joke about your clitoris.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
