So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
