After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
