sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
