dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
