hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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