i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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