You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
