we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
