Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
