Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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