Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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