This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
