There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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