the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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