Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
