one two three fourrrrnication!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
