Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
