im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
