I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
