dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
