people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
