We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
