She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
