we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
