Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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