I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
