I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
