i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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