It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
