You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Is Oprah even human
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
