I think i peed on brittanys purse
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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