guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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