i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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