i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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