You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
