Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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