guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
