I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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