Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
