she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
