grandma shit on top of the toilet
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Im part way to drunk.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
