Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
