dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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