i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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