i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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