last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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