That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
